Part 1: Solitude, Not Loneliness
In a world that often equates solitude with loneliness, sincerity with seriousness, and seeking with longing, the wisdom of Advaita Vedanta, complemented by the scientific insights of Humberto Maturana, offers a profound perspective on personal growth, emotional well-being and love.
Embracing Wholeness in Silence
Advaita Vedanta teaches us that our true essence is not separate from the ultimate reality, suggesting that solitude is not a state of loneliness but an essential condition for deep reflection and self-discovery. In solitude, we are given the opportunity to realize a state of completeness and self-sufficiency that transcends conventional notions of isolation or even partnerships.
The Path from Co-dependence to Interdependence
The journey from co-dependence, marked by an over-reliance on others for happiness, to a state of interdependence, is facilitated by practices such as Vairagya (detachment), Tyaga (letting go), and Aparigraha (non-possessiveness).
All of these practices are reflected closely in the Bhuddist concept of impermanence.
As someone who has spent a lifetime in co-dependent relations and the past year trying to learn who I am independent of assumed identities while subsumed in relationships, I can attest that these practices help us cultivate an inner locus of control and find contentment within ourselves. This internal shift allows us to engage with others from a place of wholeness, fostering relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.
Love: The Catalyst for Connection and Growth
"Love, allowing the other to be a legitimate other, is the only emotion that expands intelligence. Fear can only separate us, Love is the one emotion that expands intelligence because Love connects us.”- Humberto Maturana
Maturana’s work, particularly his exploration of love as a fundamental emotion that expands intelligence and fosters connection, resonates deeply with Vedantic principles. He posits that love, by allowing us to accept others as legitimate beings, creates the foundation for deep compassionate connections and the development of sapient thought. This perspective highlights the adaptive value of love in human evolution and underscores its ongoing importance in maintaining the fabric of human societies.
When we are strongly centered within ourselves it is relatively easier for us to allow others to be and become their legitimiser self. This love is hard feel or offer when we are small, scare and spiralling.
Self-Acceptance: The Foundation for All Love
In "The Origins of Humanness in the Biology of Love," Maturana explores how love, as a fundamental emotion, facilitated the development of language and sapient thought. By positing that the evolution of humans as languaging beings was rooted in love, Maturana suggests that our capacity for abstract thought, complex social structures, and cultural evolution is intimately tied to our ability to connect with and understand each other on a deeply empathetic level. This idea not only highlights the adaptive value of love in human evolution but also underscores the ongoing importance of love in maintaining the fabric of human societies.
My therapist said something to me in 2021 which stayed with me - self acceptance > self improvement. Most problems in life stem from our inability to accept ourselves. Guilt and judgment towards yourself turns into anger and resentment towards others.
Hurt people hurt people, and also healed people, heal people. One cannot fill a leaky cup. One cannot pour from an empty cup. Similarly a cup that keeps filling itself from a place of abundance, cannot help by overflow.
This conversation hit home and hit hard.
Beyond Fear and Longing
Advaita Vedanta advocates for a sincere engagement with life, characterized by a heartfelt dedication to aligning with deeper existential truths. This sincerity, free from the heaviness of fear, encourages a flexible and open-hearted approach to life's challenges. Similarly, the distinction between seeking—an active exploration of truth—and longing—a passive yearning for what is absent—guides us towards a positive, forward-moving energy that propels us towards self-realization and a deeper understanding of our interconnectedness with the cosmos.
Love as the Catalyst for Connection and Growth
Humberto Maturana's work, particularly his exploration of love as a fundamental emotion that expands intelligence and fosters connection, resonates deeply with Vedantic principles. Maturana posits that love, by allowing us to accept others as legitimate beings, creates the foundation for deep compassionate connections and the development of sapient thought. This perspective highlights the adaptive value of love in human evolution and underscores its ongoing importance in maintaining the fabric of human societies.
Also, nothing in the world grows from the outside in. Not even love. To both give and receive love, we must learn to tend our own gardens.
Seeking as an Active Exploration Grounded in Love
Both Advaita Vedanta and Maturana's work highlight the importance of seeking over longing, where the former represents an active, curious exploration of the truth, and the latter a passive state of desire for what is absent. This seeking, inspired by love and a deep sense of interconnection, propels us toward self-realization and a more profound understanding of the non-dual nature of reality. It encourages an open-ended journey that is not about escaping from the world but engaging with it more meaningfully and compassionately.
Build your own practice:
Solitude in Nature: Try to spend time alone in natural settings, where the vastness and beauty of the natural world can mirror the internal journey of discovery and connection, making solitude a more enriching and less daunting experience.
Journaling: Start a daily reflection practice in the morning and evening with prompts such as "What's moving inside me today?" or "What does silence say to me today?" or "How can I be a better friend to myself?" These prompts can guide you to start the journey of exploring your inner landscape more deeply.
Thank you for reading this. May the force be with you <3
With love and gratitude.