On Self Management

The Dual Edges of Self-Management: Freedom and Responsibility

I have been self managed (in life and at work) for a really long time, and it's both extremely liberating and hella scary. On one hand I have absolutely no ceilings except for the ones I define for myself, on the other I have more than enough rope to hang myself.

It's a journey marked by the exhilaration of boundless potential and the sobering reality of accountability. Here's a deeper look into this duality, refined through years of introspection and experimentation.

Understanding Self-Management

Self-management to me means owning my decisions, successes, and failures. It's about recognizing that I am not a passive participant in my life but the architect of my own destiny. This realization came from observing not just my actions but also the underlying systems that govern them. I've learned that achieving outcomes is less about lofty goals and more about robust, daily practices.

Four Pillars of My Sanity and Wellbeing

Through a blend of curiosity and research, I've identified four crucial areas for my self-management strategy: nutrition, exercise, emotional regulation, and education. Each pillar plays a vital role in maintaining my balance and ensuring my progress.

a. Nutrition

In my observation, a healthy diet is foundational to sustaining energy and focus, and is crucial for good decision making. I'm at my best when:

I do my best to eat less - mostly vegetables, protein, and nuts, avoiding sugar and carbs even in fruits and vegetables. As much as possible I avoid processed, greasy foods to prevent lethargy and mental fog.

Full disclosure I have an extremely dangerous relationship with food, its how I process my feelings and in a sense an area I really have to watch out for.

b. Exercise

I work out because I need it for my sanity way more than just optimising for my physical fitness. That said, I need to work out, most people in my family are obese and so my genetics are not conducive for coasting.

When I have access to a gym, I'm at my best when I'm doing weights 3 times a week and have a trainer pushing me. I have not been weight training since last July and this has been weighing on me.

When I cannot go to the gym, I walk as much and as often as possible. On good days I'll walk for at least an hour or 2, I optimise to take the stairs, stretch, do the house work, tend to the garden. In essence I take every opportunity I can to move. Additionally, when I'm well behaved I get on the yoga mat to at least stretch and deeply breathe for a few minutes everyday.

When in the best girl I front load. I get all my movement done first thing in the morning before I'm ready to meet the world

Emotional regulation

While both nutrition and movement are critical for emotional regulation (when I look like shit I feel like shit, similarity when I'm looking fit, I tend to feel better about myself and my self narrative is positive) I have realised they are necessary but not sufficient. In addition to the right food and movement I need deep sleep and I need to process my emotions.

Sleep hygiene:

In 2018, I had my first bout of Urticaria - first my face and soon my body broke into an insane itch and within hours my eyes were significantly swollen - I woke up the next morning looking like a frog. My face and eyes remained swollen for weeks there after, it was the wake up call I needed. Before then I had spent years on poor sleep, cheap calories, and the vain valour of youth.

Given I'm typing this post nearing mid-night the irony isnt lost on me. On good days I - avoid eating late dinners and sleep before 10pm (every hour of sleep before 12am is worth 2 after).

I also write down any open tasks or to-dos on a piece of paper before I get into bed so I don't bring the cognitive load of open loops to bed. I have been supplementing with melatonin for the last 4 years.

Bathe multiple times a day:

For me every shower is a reset, a second wind. Cold showers are game changers - 30 secs is better than none.

Journal:

Since the 1st of Jan, I've been regularly starting my day with writing gratitude and self appreciation. Why? This simple 15 min exercise sets me up on a pygmalion. I've also been trying to spend sometime articulating my vision and reflecting on where I am today relative to this vision. The act of articulating our vision and surfacing our current reality relative to this vision is called the principle of creative tension.

I've also been journaling any uncomfortable feelings and trauma big or small that's surfacing for me to get it out of my system. If is often overlooked how just putting words to feelings can set us free.

Deep breathing:

While our thoughts are often in the past or the future, our breath is anchored in the present. I have, for years now, been trying to get at least 5 minutes of mindful deep breathing in per day; it's been a game-changer for me

Education

My uncle gave me the best piece of advice when I was 17 when he told me - 'education is a lifelong commitment'. Ironically I haven't really been inside a college classroom post 11th grade - I did most of my college education from a college in Aurangabad where it was relatively easy to skip class and just take the final exams. In a sense I have been self taught since I was 17.

Here's how I've been investing in educating myself for the last few years.

Stick to a routine:

I have a calendar and like to spend between 3-4 hours a day reading, researching, listening to podcasts, watching videos and learning. I've learned that when you own your own learning curve - routines and self discipline are a must. Creating a structure for yourself will give you a sense of order to make the most of your present.

Self impose solitude:

I am incredibly comfortable spending time by myself. I can go days without meeting or talking to another person, and often loose a sense of time reading, researching and learning. My learning is that in a world full of distractions, if we want to invest in our curiosity and learning we will need to build the discipline for solitude. On most days I use my long walks to listen to podcasts and reflect on what I've learned.

Bottom line - give yourself the permission to focus on educating yourself.

Permission slips

I came across the practice of permission slips in a group meditation hosted by Nithya Shanti a few weeks ago. It's a beautiful practice through which one can surface some of the mental models that allow or disallow us to behave in certain manners. It's also a great opportunity to reflect back on some of the people who have had an influence on our journeys and have shaped our personalities by forging the path for us, thereby giving us the permission to do or not do certain things.

While researching further on this, I came across a PDF by Brené Brown on this. Here's a gist of how she articulates this:

Permission slips give us a practical and familiar way to think about what might get in the way of us talking about how we feel, asking for what we need, or trying something new. Their primary function is to serve as explicit intention setting.

Permission slips can be useful tools for teaching us to give thought to what we might need from ourselves and others in terms of support, and they can even help increase accountability.

Examples:

• I give myself permission to ask questions even if it feels awkward.

• I give myself permission to be curious and invest in my own learning and growth.

• I give myself permission to invest in my own well-being, health, and sanity.

4 Questions

I'm reflecting on today via Prasad Kaipa

What is my North Star (highest aspiration) that ignites both my natural genius and that of my organisation - family, company, community or educational institution?
What is my Core Incompetence, i.e. where is my foot nailed to the floor?
What triggers my energy when I feel sapped, i.e. what excites, rejuvenates and regenerate energy for me? In other words, what is my key Energy Trigger?
What kinds of activities, mindsets, and processes drain my energy? What kind of Alarm System do I have to set so that I can be effective, successful and joyful?

Poem I'm re-reading

Invictus - William Ernest Henley (1849–1903)

Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid.